What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don’t think
I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front
about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

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그에 대한 어느 오리지날 뉴요커男의 답변


THE RESPONSE

PostingID: 432279810
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
cr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense
to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case
you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.


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간단요약(의역 다수)

된장녀: 전 진짜 무지 이쁜 25살짜리 여자입니다. 전 1년에 50만불 정도는 버는 남자 만나서

결혼하고 싶어요. 1년에 25만 불 버는 남자도 만나봤는데 그 정도론 부족하더라고요.
뉴욕에선 거의 100만불은 기본으로들 벌잖아요? 50만불 버는 남자들은 어디서 노는지? 변호사,

의사,헤지펀드 전문가 등 수입은 얼마나 되는지 어떻게 만날 수 있는지 알려주세요.
비난은 사절입니다. 전 진짜 이쁘고 잘나가는 여자거든요. 아, 그리고 저는 연애 말고 결혼만

관심 있습니다.

답변남: 제가 당신이 찾는 1년에 50만불 버는 남자입니다. 답변을 해드리죠. 예, 당신이 1년에

50만불 버는 남자만큼 가치있는 이쁜 여자라고 칩시다.

근데 중요한 건 전 1년 1년 지날때마다 더 많은 돈을 벌거에요. 경제적으로는 돈을 버는 자산이죠.

근데 당신의 미모는 1년 지날 때마다 줄어들거(감가상각하지) 잖아요.
한 30살까진 그런데로 괜찮겠지만 35살 쯤 되면 -_-으엑 이겠죠.

따라서 당신이 바라는 헤지펀드 전문가 이런 사람들은 그런 감가상각되는 자산을 사서

보유하려고 하지 않습니다. 리스(임대)해서 잠깐 쓰고 말려고 하죠.


(니가 너무 심하게 얘기한다고 할까봐 하는 말인데)내가 돈 없어지면 너도 떠날거잖아.

그러니까 네가 더이상 아름답지 않으면 나도 떠난다는 얘기야.

이 말은 해야겠는데 넌 지금 '(고전적인) 비쌀때 팔아치우기'를(제대로) 하고 있는거야.


또한 효율적 경제이론에 따르면 당신이 1년에 50만불 버는 남자만큼 가치가 있다면

그런 남자가 이미 채 갔어야 합니다. 근데 아닌 걸 보면 당신은 그만큼 가치가 없나 보죠.
이런 쓸데없는 얘기할 시간에 당신이 스스로 돈 벌 생각을 하세요.
아 그리고 혹시 당신 리스 가능하면 제게 연락주세요.










올해 본 텍스트 유머중 가장쵝오;-_-)b